Change of mind, changing luck

I’ve never had any problem finding work so this last week have been my first experience of being unemployed – in the mornings I have felt useless because I’ve slept waay to long (although I’ve gone to sleep quite late) at the same time that it’s hard to get up in the morning if you don’t have any time schedule. When I havn’t had any luck in finding trainee-ship I’ve felt like a day drifter and since I was so set on the idea that I’d start following photographers almost from day one I’ve found myself a bit disoriented. After the first days walking around town I havn’t had any more urge to act like a tourist.

It’s funny how too much time for yourself can make you’re mind spin. These lasts nights it’s kept me awake, ponding on my goals, what I will do after this summer – if I should work like a maniac to get money together for another trip, or what I should do if I’ll stay in Stockholm… I’ve felt confused and my spirit have failed me, I’ve had to remember myself that I would have just kept running the hamster wheel if I had stayed home, so I’m better off whatever it is I’m doing here. Last night I read Situation Sthlm as bedtime story (the best swedish magazine, in my opinion, sold by homeless in Stockholm) and there was an article about the increasing cases of depression, mental illness and suicide among youths. It didn’t surprise me at all, considering all choices we need to make in early age telling us we need to get a good start in life and we’re not just after a descent life with food on the table, no, we have to be successful in careers, partners, looks, well you know – I think it takes more to make us happy and especially, what is what I’m trying to say here also, that if we don’t produce we’re nothing – what do you do, what do you work with EQUALS who are you?

No, I’m not trying to tell you I’m depressed, absolutely not! (I’m just moody =P) I think I have a too light spirit for that, one minute I can think I’m useless the other minute I tell myself, get your act together, chill, you could do MUCH worse! But it’s strange how our minds can play games with us – I’m not used to spend so much time on my own and so my thoughts starts to twist and turn inside my brain.

BUT then I remembered that, hey, I have my own company now (I havn’t had my first income yet but still..) and that means I’m never unemployed! =D

Thanks to a pep-talk through skype with my friend Fanny I started to redirect my aim, so that if it will take a while to get hand on in a studio I’ll just have to find my own reportages that I might sell later when I’m back home. Fanny mentioned doing something on the split between the French and the Brittish Canada but I think I just found my material this very night… on the way to the cinema I heard someone singing Sinatra in the street..

Introducing Mr. Alexander Berger – and that is B E R G E R, not like the hamburgers….

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I will do a reportage about street musicians! Mr.Berger asked for a copy of my video, so later this week I’ll fix that and go back to find him, hopefully he’ll let me buy him a cup of coffee and listen to his story, he seemed like a true gentleman so it’s a meeting I’m looking forward to – the next step is just to find other characters in this city… Stockholm is full of street musicians, maybe not all of them so very talented… but.. here in Montreal I havn’t seen that much so far, and yet I havn’t been using the metro that much. I guess I’ll need to seek more downtown..

And yes, the movie I went to see was HUNGER GAMES, of course, gooood movie! Though it took me a few blocks to walk down my shoulders again, and it also gave some photo opportunities, just a shame that I only had my powershot since the bigger camera had died.. but the powershot gives more vivid colors – do I need to tell you that I’m obsessed with nightlights?

PS. I just got a email from Vera Varley, asking if I could come by her studio on Thursday ;)

5 thoughts on “Change of mind, changing luck

  1. Tomten (?) sjunger, men folk stannar inte upp…
    Alla människor har en historia att förmedla.
    Hans berättelse kan bli spännande.
    Gator är också kreativa miljöer.
    Fina nattbilder.

  2. Mr. Berger has a nice vibrato in his voice. :-)

    Oh Kiki i really get where you’re coming from, talking about being lost under the surface, I’ve been there myself in January and suddenly you begin to feel really like any little thing is the end of the world and you get upset about shit. The youth lacks direction, as least that’s what I see here in Germany, after school you get thrown into a pond full of sharks and you gotta learn to swim cause if you don’t you drown. The thing is school doesn’t prepare you for most of what’s coming up and you try even harder and stuff takes a little longer than necessary. But in my “days of desperation” (woe is me, hahaha) I try to always remember that it could be worse and that life is about what I make of it, so if I create enough chances for me then I will succeed in something. Just believe, cause if you believe you will receive whatever you ask for.

    I wish you continued success älskling!!Tusen pussar.

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